I heard Michael and Debi Pearl speak at a homeschool convention years ago. When he said that he never compliments his daughters' apearance because he didn't want them to be vain, that was it for me. I had looked at the books because my friends raved about them, but they were too harsh in their discipline.

I agree that this couple would have been abusive regardless, but the Pearls hand out their horrific recommendations without any thought of how some people are like sheep and will do *exactly* as they recommend. One hose shower in January could kill any child in my upper midwest state.

I grieve for the other kids in this family--they, in essence, were forced to participate. What has that done to them?

Gina,

Thank you for the links regarding _Created to be His Help Meet_ (CTBHHM) by Debi Pearl. I'm going ask the Ladies' Ministry Team Leaders and the Elders of our church to review the Pearl's material and determine whether or not it's appropriate teaching material for our church.

I've read part of CTBHHM and thought there was some good material and some wonky material. I never did finish it. It seemed to me that she kept forgetting to state that the purpose of marriage is to glorify God. Rather she kept emphasizing for the wife to submit to the husband's agenda without acknowledging that both spouses must be seeking to follow God's will and encouraging each other to do so as well. I've read of Christian wives enduring abortion, when they knew it was wrong, because their husbands demanded they do so.

A website linked from TulipGirl's website looks informative:
http://scitascienda.com/2011/06/25/review-of-no-greater-joy-child-training-doctrine/
I haven't read it yet, but I intend to do so.

I know these accusations are serious; please believe that I don't make them lightly.

Part of the reason I point out things like this is that I *am* conservative, and I believe that every movement needs to be diligent about policing itself. Now Dobson, if I remember correctly, recommends a few gentle swats when needed. I've yet to meet the person who came away from such treatment with irrevocable damage. However, when parents are advised to whip a child for as long as it takes for her to surrender, and she ends up with fatal injuries from that whipping; or when they're advised to withhold food and put the child out in the cold, and she then dies of starvation and hypothermia -- then I do see a connection between the advice and the result. And if I didn't call attention to it, my conscience would convict me of being silent when I should have spoken.

And let's add denying the child meals and hosing them off outside with cold water.

So let's see: deny food, deny shelter, deny warmth, douse them with cold water outside and strike them with a plumbing supply line to "totally defeat" a rebellious child.

I suppose the Pearls would consider me a failure.

I just read the Probable Cause Affidavit, linked from Tulip Girl's website, and am currently in tears. These people would have abused their adoptive children with or without the Pearl's book. The methods might have been different, but they would have abused their children none the less.

However, the above statement doesn't mean I'm exonerating the Pearl's.
To advocate striking a child with a plumbing supply line?
Make them sleep on the floor or outside as punishment?
Using being outside in the cold as punishment?
I am sickened.

If guilt-by-association is to rule the day, then I could bring some pretty hefty charges against Focus on the Family, Chuck Colson or even the Christian faith itself.

My wife has a No Greater Joy magazine sitting on our kitchen table and three younger siblings at home being raised more or less by the principles of that ministry. I know at least three other families who espouse the Pearls' ideas about discipline. And none of them have starving, freezing children.

Just because imbeciles who lack common sense, restraint (and, it seems, love) misconstrue and abuse the ideas of NGJ doesn't mean those ideas are themselves evil or worthy of incineration.

You seem to have a habit of jumping to conclusions on issues of marriage and family, especially when a story affords the opportunity to criticize the more conservative camps (i.e. Vision Forum, Advanced Training Institute, No Greater Joy, etc.) While I find myself in disagreement with swaths of these ministries' ideas, I manage to avoid implicating them in child murders.

Maybe you should try to avoid that, too.

of four beautiful Ethiopian children, I don't think I can adequately express how angry this makes me from so many angles. One, there is such a tremendous need for honorable, loving, ethical adoptions for so many kids who need a family, but news like this travels back "home" faster than you can imagine and makes the process so incredibly more difficult for everyone, not to mention sowing continual distrust and enmity among the Ethiopian people toward the "rich white ferengi" who swoop in and take their children (as they see it). Second, I believe firmly in corporal discipline in a loving, fair, and practical way, not unlike what is taught in "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp. Some people don't let themselves be nearly as concerned with such parameters, and their punishment crosses the line into abuse. But what is described here is so far beyond the pale there's simply no explanation, no excuse for anyone actually writing a book and being allowed to publish it with teaching like that.

I'm angry at the parents, but I'm mostly angry with the authors. Here's the thing -- so little is understood in our culture in general about what kinds of struggles adoptive parents go through, and what kinds of emotional states they find themselves in. Think somewhere along the lines of post-partum depression. There are very, very strong similarities, except that if you've adopted anything other than an infant the child's own actions, personality, and issues throw exponential dynamics into the mix. If you don't have adequate (and knowledgeable, and RATIONAL, for cryin' out loud) support, you can find yourself in such depths of desperation that you're open to almost anyone and anything that promises to help. It seems clear to me that this book stepped in to fill that void for them, if they didn't employ these practices with their biological children.

Ellen, I think the only resource you need is that article about this situation. I'm confident there are many who could go through that book you're reading and pick it apart, but you don't need that. Even if it's mostly or even entirely decent in and of itself, the painful degree of error in this parenting book should be clear enough -- their teaching is nothing under which you want to bring yourself into subjection. A stopped clock may be right twice a day; that doesn't mean you keep it around and check it for the time.

Ellen, here are a couple of reviews that might be helpful:

http://www.thatmom.com/book-reviews/created-to-be-his-helpmeet-0-stars/

http://spunkyhomeschool.blogspot.com/2005/07/created-to-be-his-help-meet-part-1.html

Reading some of your sources, I think that rather than the Pearls, I'd rather take parenting advice from the Crocs in Pearls Before Swine.

Where is the rest of the the story?

Where is the rest of the the story?

I think what will do in the Pearls will be a combination of condemnation from high-profile individuals in the Christian community, and a prosecutor or two making them accessories.

But that will simply send child abusers to another source of justification. The longer-term solution is to reinstitute the love of others both in the family and in society at large.

In particular, all of us including those who have bully pulpits could point out, repeatedly and at length, that these three sets of parents were deceived because they were following the wrong master(s) and reading the wrong Book.

Hmmm, a women's Bible study at our church is teaching _Created To Be His Help Meet_ by Debi Pearl. Are there any resources on the web pointing out the fallacies in the Pearl's work?

.
This -- and *still* some people have a hard time understanding the righteous "wrath and indignation" (Rom 2:8) of God on sin, which latter has the power to degrade us to this point and, incredibly, even worse.